these twists and turns of fate
by sawitinhereyes
Summary: he doesn't know what his future holds, but he knows he wants her to be in it. / a series of luke/becky oneshots
1. Chapter 1

_luke deals with the fallout of tim's return._

{ I own nothing }

* * *

If she thinks he doesn't see the way she's looking at the guy during his welcome home party, she's dead wrong.

He's not stupid. He knows Becky had a crush on Tim Riggins back before he got locked up. He can also see that some of those feelings are probably unresolved. Which is probably normal, he supposes, but it fucking sucks for him, because he's in love with her.

(She doesn't know that yet. He wonders now if he'll ever get the chance to tell her.)

He's always felt like he's at least three steps ahead of her. Even when they hooked up last year, it obviously meant more to him than it did to her. He thought maybe she'd finally caught up to him, but maybe he was wrong.

She basically treats Tim like nothing happened, like he didn't break the law and spend a year in jail and let down everyone who cares about him.

If you're _Tim Riggins_ , you can apparently get away with anything.

... ... ...

 _Use a condom this time, my friend_.

What kind of insensitive jackass says that to somebody? Especially after what he and Becky went through?

(And okay, yeah, he's right, but he's still a jackass, because he made them both feel like shit for no reason.)

... ... ...

He hears about the fight at the Landing Strip from one of the guys instead of from her, and yeah, he's pissed about it.

He supposes most guys would be thrilled if their girlfriend were working at a strip club, but Luke Cafferty is not most guys, and Becky's too sweet to strip for tips, so what the _fuck_ was she thinking?

He gets why she lied to him about that. He's more upset about the fact that _Tim Riggins_ was there to come to her rescue, and he wasn't. Because she apparently didn't want him to be.

He drives by Coach Riggins' house because he knows she's probably upset, and no matter how upset he is with her, he cares about her, wants her to be okay. And once again, she's getting her comfort from _Tim Riggins_ instead of him.

He slows down, and she looks so sad and hurt that he almost pushes his pride aside, but he just can't. So he keeps on driving.

... ... ...

She tells him that Tim's back and she's got some things she needs to figure out. He suspected as much, but it sucks to hear it anyway.

He doesn't have anything to say to her that he won't regret later, so he doesn't say anything at all.

... ... ...

She may not need him, but it doesn't take him long to realize how much he needs her.

This whole thing about the team being eliminated is screwing with his head, even though he won't be around to feel the consequences. Being a Lion, being coached by Coach Taylor, has shaped him more as a player, more as a _man_ than he ever thought it would. He hates that they're being phased out because of _money_. You can't put a price on what he's learned from being a Lion, and he wishes they would stop trying.

And then there's this whole college thing Coach set up for him, _Warren Field State_ or whatever. Where even _is_ Warren Field State? He always thought if he played college ball he'd play D-I, and that would at least give him a shot to make it to the pros. He knows D-III doesn't give him that same opportunity, so honestly, what's the fucking _point_?

Through it all, she's the only one he wants to talk to, the only opinion that matters to him at this point, and she's too busy fawning over _Tim Riggins_ to care.

Tim Riggins may be _Tim Riggins_ , but he's _Luke Cafferty_ , okay? He could have any girl he wanted, probably, if he wanted anyone but Becky.

That's the part that sucks. She wants someone else, and all he wants is her.

... ... ...

She comes to his house so she can be honest with him and clear some things up, she says. Somewhere deep in his heart, underneath all the hurt, there's a guy who truly understands what she's saying, knows she's being sincere.

 _That's not real._ You _are_.

But he still doesn't believe her, because ever since Tim Riggins came back she doesn't even seem to realize he's _there_. It's like he's been a placeholder all this time. And she might be right, that what she feels for Tim isn't real, but Luke still has this sinking feeling in his gut that if Tim really wanted her, he could have her, and that fucking _sucks_.

... ... ...

He figures he needs to face Tim Riggins man-to-man at some point, because yeah, Luke's a little bitter about the whole thing, but it's Becky he's upset with, not Tim. He needs to clear this up once and for all, needs to know if there's any chance she could really choose _Tim Riggins_ over him.

 _Are you in love with her?_

Tim almost snorts. _No, I'm not in love with her_.

And now he feels about two feet tall, because Becky was right, and he was wrong. He's a fucking idiot, and he's _in love_ with her, damn it, and he should have just told her last night, because _that_ , what they have, is real.

... ... ...

He doesn't mean to ask about college, but his parents want him to go and Coach wants him to go and he doesn't really have anyone else to talk to about it, so it just kinda comes out. And coincidentally, everything Tim says mirrors everything Luke's been thinking.

Football is not Luke Cafferty's future.

Coming to terms with that is harder than he thought it might be.

He loves football. He loves it with every fiber of his being. Always has. He always thought it would be his ticket out of the farm, out of this town. Knowing he has to give it up, that it'll be over soon, that he's only got _one more game_ left to play, it just breaks his heart.

So he's gonna take Tim Riggins' advice. He's gonna play the state championship like it's the last game he'll ever play, because it will be.

 _Let it go, and move on_.

... ... ...

He doesn't know what his future holds, but he knows he wants Becky to be in it.

So he swallows his pride, brings her the prettiest flowers he can find at the market, and says all the things he should have said weeks ago.

 _I was stupid._

 _I'm so sorry._

 _I love you._

 _I wanna be with you forever._

A kiss has never felt so damn good.


	2. Chapter 2

_luke and becky discuss what might have been._

{ I own nothing }

* * *

Sometimes she wonders how they got here. Not here, lying side by side in the bed of his truck looking at the stars, but _here_ , together. They've gone through things that no high school couple should ever have to go through (no couple _anywhere_ , really), things that might have driven other couples apart, but here they are.

Things have been really good for the past couple of months. The Lions won State, and she spent Christmas with his family while her mom worked, and she thinks his mom might _finally_ be coming around. They're enjoying what's left of senior year, and they talk about _everything_ , college and the future and where life might lead them.

They're in love. He loves her, and she loves him, and they love each other, and it's the best feeling in the world. She thought she was in love with Tim, once upon a time, but she knows now her little crush paled in comparison to what she has with Luke.

She feels his thumb stroke hers where their hands are joined between them, and she smiles, looks over at him. His eyes are trained on the sky and he looks like he's a thousand miles away. "What are you thinking about?" she asks quietly.

He doesn't look over at her, just swallows thickly, and even from this angle she can see the emotion clouding his eyes. "My mom…" his voice shakes and he clears his throat, starts over. "My mom always says the people we've lost are up there among the stars."

She knows what he's saying, feels her heart grow heavy at the thought. She's quiet for a minute before she says what they're both thinking. "Do you think our baby is up there?"

He doesn't answer right away, thinks about it for a long moment. "I think so," he whispers. He lets a beat go by, then continues. "I think he – or she – is watching over us."

She feels a tear roll down the side of her face. She can't look at him, feels the shame of what she did to them pressing down on her chest, and she inhales a shaky breath. He lifts his arm and she moves into his embrace, pressing her cheek to his chest so she can hear his heartbeat.

"I'm sorry," she whispers after a quiet moment. "I'm so sorry."

He shakes his head, tilts her chin up to meet his eyes. "I don't know why you think I blame you, because I don't." He carefully brushes away the moisture from under her eye with his thumb.

She searches his face for signs he's not telling her the truth. She doesn't find any.

"You don't think I was selfish? That I should have given it a chance?"

He doesn't hesitate. "No." He looks back to the sky. "You made the choice you had to make." He runs his hand over the goosebumps on her arm, warming her skin. "You gave us both a future to look forward to, and I can't be mad at you for that."

She looks down, fiddles with the buttons on his plaid shirt, lets that sink in for a moment. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we'd had the baby?"

He's quiet for a beat, and she looks up at him. "Sometimes," he admits. "Do you?"

She nods against his chest. "I wonder sometimes if we'd be together now, if everything had happened differently. I wonder if maybe we'd resent each other a little bit."

He rests his chin on top of her head and she feels him nod. "That's probably fair." He pauses, thinks for a moment, chuckles. "I'd probably still be in love with you, and you would hate my guts."

"I would not," she giggles. "I just might want to whack you over the head with a crowbar occasionally."

"Because that's so much better."

She looks up at him, smiles because he's smiling at her, and she loves his smile.

"Everything happens for a reason, Bex," he says, running his hand through the curls at the back of her neck. "It sucks, but we've gotta learn from it, be _better_ for it." He turns his attention back to the sky. "I want to make our baby proud."

She leans up, kisses that spot right underneath his jaw, buries her face in his neck. "You always know just the right thing to say."

She doesn't know if she'll ever get over what happened to them, but as long as she has him by her side, she thinks she can live with it and learn from it, and isn't that what life is all about anyway?


	3. Chapter 3

_what if they'd kept the baby?_

{ I own nothing }

* * *

If you ask her what one word she would use to describe motherhood, she'd say _exhausting_.

It's hard enough being 16, she thinks. There's school and parties and boys and friends and drama and boys and gossip and parents and _boys_. Did she mention boys? Boys are definitely the hardest part, because that's what got her into this mess in the first place.

(Not a mess, she mentally corrects herself. A situation. A predicament.)

But being 16 and having a baby is a whole other level of hard. Because you still have all the same problems as other 16 year olds, but you also have no sleep and no time to yourself. So. Yeah.

Today has been particularly difficult because Emma's got a little baby cold she caught at daycare. She's thankful for the Caffertys' church nursery and that they can leave Emma there during the day so Becky can stay in school, but Emma's only eight weeks old, and her little immune system can't fight off those things quite yet, and okay, maybe Becky's one of those moms who wants to put her kid in a bubble and never let her out.

(It's still weird to think of herself as a mom, but there's really no way around it, she guesses.)

Anyway, Emma's got a cold, and Becky can't take her to daycare because God forbid she get any of the _other_ kids sick, and her mom's MIA, and she's got a big history test today she's gonna have to miss, and she got about twelve minutes of sleep last night since Emma wouldn't stop crying. Basically, when Luke comes through her front door after school, she's about ready to burst into tears.

"Hey," he says quietly, trying not to wake their daughter, who finally fell asleep not long ago. He must notice the tears on Becky's cheeks, because his face softens even more. "Hey," he repeats. "It's okay. She's gonna be fine."

Becky sniffles, trying to steady her breathing. "I know." She lets Luke take the baby from her arms, watches as he tenderly kisses her little forehead and presses her up against his chest. "But she wouldn't stop crying all night, and I only got like ten minutes of sleep, and I had to miss a big history test today, and…"

"Shh." Luke hooks his free arm around her neck, pulls her in for a hug. "It's okay. I'm sure you can make up the test, Mrs. Staub will understand. And as for the sleep problem, I'm here now, so why don't you go lay down and let me take a shift."

Becky nods, pulls away from him. She looks up at the clock and frowns. "Don't you have practice? Are you sure Coach is okay with this?"

"Coach is a father, too, Bex," he reminds her. "I just told him Emma was sick, and he sent me home. Stop worrying about me and go take care of yourself for a little while." He kisses her forehead and nudges her back down the hall toward her bedroom, lays down on the couch so the baby can rest comfortably on his chest. "I've got her."

... ... ...

When she wakes up from her nap, she walks into the living room to find Luke making silly faces at their little girl. Becky hears her tiny giggle and she can't help but smile. With a little rest, it's easier to keep it all in perspective. She loves that little girl more than anything in this world, and yeah, things are hard, but she really wouldn't change a thing.

She sits down next to him on the couch, blows a raspberry on Emma's cheek and succeeds in making her giggle. He looks over at her and smiles. "Better?"

"Much." She leans her head on his shoulder gratefully. "Thank you for skipping practice. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come by."

He shrugs. "We're a team, Bex." He leans down, kisses Emma's little nose. "We're not gonna make it through this if we don't lean on each other every once in a while. You know you can always lean on me, right?" His eyes meet hers. " _Always_."

She nods, leans over and kisses his cheek. "You're the best," she says, because it's true. If she's gotta be stuck with a high school boy for the rest of her life, she'd pick Luke Cafferty every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

(He doesn't know that she knows he's in love with her. He also doesn't know that she's thinking she might be feeling the same way. It's days like this that remind her why.)


	4. Chapter 4

_luke decides his future_.

{ I own nothing }

* * *

She doesn't know why she doesn't see it coming. He's been floundering about college for weeks, and he's been talking to this recruiter since January, and it should be obvious to her where this is headed.

She still doesn't expect it when he shows up in her room that day in May. She's spread out on her bed studying for finals, because college is only a year away and she's gotta keep her grades up if she's gonna get out of this town. It's late, and she's got her earbuds in because she heard her mom giggling earlier, which can only mean she brought home a guy, so _ew_.

That's probably why she doesn't hear Luke sneak in her bedroom door.

She squeaks in surprise when he flops down next to her, yanks her earbuds out and whacks him across the chest. "That's not funny!"

"It's pretty funny," he manages through his laughter. "You should've seen your face."

She pouts for a minute, but he looks so happy that she can't help but smile back. "You're lucky you're cute." She leans up to peck him on the lips. "What are you doing here? I thought you were helping your dad tonight."

He looks a little sheepish, scratches the back of his head and looks away. "Uh… I may have lied to you about that."

She sits up straight. "What? Why would you do that?"

He sits up and turns so they're facing one another. "Because I had a meeting with that recruiter and I didn't want to say anything until it was a sure thing."

Her heart drops into her stomach. "Luke."

"I'm joining the army, Bex."

She doesn't know whether to laugh, or scream, or cry, or smack him across the face.

She stands up, turns away from him, paces her bedroom floor for a minute. "Why…" she clears her throat so her voice doesn't shake. "Why would you do that?"

"Well, I… it seems like the best decision for me at this point, so." He pauses for a moment. "Aren't you happy that I've finally figured things out?"

"No," she snaps. "I'm not happy, Luke. I'm not happy that you've decided you're gonna go off next year and get yourself _killed_. Why would you think I'd be happy about that?"

"Bex," he scoffs. "I'm not gonna get _killed_. We're not in a war right now."

"Okay, but soldiers still die overseas anyway! It's on the news, like, every day!" She can feel herself getting hysterical, but she doesn't know how to stop herself.

"Will you calm down?" He's raising his voice to match hers now. "Why are you getting so upset about this? It's not like I signed _you_ up for the army."

"Because you're _leaving_!" She cries, whirls around to face him, and now she can't stop the tears. "You're _leaving_ me, just like everyone else does!"

She watches his eyes turn sad. "Bex."

"God _,_ what is _wrong_ with me?" She crosses her arms, tries to catch her breath. "My dad left, and he found a new family. Tim went to _prison_. My mom went on that stupid casino cruise, and let's face it, she's never been around much anyway." She sniffles as a new wave of tears clouds her vision. "And now you're leaving, and there's a chance you might never come back, and I just… why doesn't anyone want to _stay_?"

He crosses the room in half a second and wraps her up in his arms, and she presses her face into his neck. She _hates_ him for doing this to her, because she's in love with him, and she probably always will be. She can't stand the thought of him not being around to love her back.

"Becky." He pulls back just enough to rest his forehead against hers, cup her cheeks in his hands. "I'll always come back. Okay? I promise you, I will _always_ come back for you."

She closes her eyes. "You can't promise something like that."

"Why not?" He gathers her curls in his fist at the base of her neck. "It's true. How could I miss out on our future together?" He smiles. "We're gonna live on the farm forever, remember?"

She lets out a watery laugh, pulls back a little, searches his eyes for a moment. She lets out a breath. "When do you leave?"

"End of August." He links his fingers at the small of her back. "We've got time to make some memories that'll carry me through basic."

She sighs, wraps her arms around his middle, leans her head on his shoulder. "Are you sure this is really what you want?" she whispers. "You're sure this is the right choice?"

"Yeah," he says quietly. "It'll give me some time to figure out what I want to do. And they'll pay for college, if I decide I want to go at some point." He moves his linked hands up and down her back. "It's not forever, babe. It's just for now."

She squeezes him a little bit tighter, lifts her head to look him in the eyes. "And you _promise_ you're gonna come back?"

He cups her face in his hands. "I promise." He leans in to kiss her sweetly. "You're my forever, Bex. This is just temporary."

She can deal with temporary, she supposes, as long as he keeps his promises.


	5. Chapter 5

**Note:** I know next to nothing about the army, so forgive any errors. this maybe possibly could be considered a continuation of the last one if you want it to be. :-)

{ I own nothing }

* * *

She's on a break between classes when she sees him across the quad.

He happens to look up and catch her eye, and her brain is screaming _look away_ , but her eyes just won't cooperate. She sees his lips quirk up into that half grin, the one she loved to kiss off his lips once upon a time, and she can't help but smile back.

He comes to a stop in front of the bench she's sitting on. "Hi."

"Hi," she laughs. She stands up and throws her arms around his neck, and all of the sudden, she's 17 again and it's like nothing has changed at all.

... ... ...

It's been three years since she's seen him, two and a half since they had any sort of contact at all, and at least a week since the last time she thought of him.

(Okay, if she's being honest, a week is probably a stretch.)

It was easy when she was still in Dillon, when she was a senior in high school and he was just an hour away at Fort Hood and she could take day trips up to visit on the weekends. But then he got transferred to Fort Missoula in Montana right after she graduated, and she got pulled off the waitlist at Sam Houston State, and everything got a whole lot more complicated. The last time she saw him, he met her eyes from the other side of the security gate at the Austin airport, then headed to catch his flight for Missoula.

It was a mutual decision, the breakup. They tried to make it work for a good six months after he left, but it was hard to work their video chat dates in between her class schedule and his work schedule, and it all just got too _hard_. It's not supposed to be that hard, not when you're so young and there's so much life left to live.

It sucked in the beginning, but she's grateful for it now. She's had some amazing experiences in college, done a lot of learning and a lot of growing up, and she doesn't know if she could have done all that if they had stayed together.

She thinks about him all the time. _All the time_. She wonders if it's the same for him, even after all this time.

... ... ...

"So what happened to the army?"

Ouch, Bex. Way to cut to the chase.

They're sitting at the coffee shop in the student union about a week after they first saw each other. Maybe she could have been a little more tactful, but they have a lot to catch up on, and she's never been one to beat around the bush.

He clears his throat, sits back in his seat a little, smiles at her. "Don't waste any time, do you?"

"You know me," she shrugs.

"Yeah, I do." He leans forward, rests his forearms on the table, secures his mug between his hands as if to steady himself. "Honorable discharge. I got hurt pretty bad and couldn't pass the physical tests anymore."

She almost doesn't want to ask, but she's never been very good at suppressing her curiosity. "Hurt like how bad?"

He won't meet her eyes. "Hurt like I got shot in the knee during a training exercise."

Her heart pretty much stops in her chest.

"I'm fine," he assures her. "I had surgery to reconstruct my kneecap and repair the ligaments, and I went through about a year of physical therapy, but I just never quite got back to the level I was at before."

"God," she exhales. "During a training exercise. It was an accident, right?"

"Oh, yeah, totally, and the guy felt like shit, but he did everything right. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time." He takes a sip of his cappuccino. "Occupational hazard, you know."

He's smiling, because he's Luke and he can find the humor in any situation, but she knows it couldn't have been easy. "Was it hard to walk away?"

He shrugs. "It wasn't like I wanted to be in the army forever. I told you, it was never supposed to be my career. Just a placeholder until I could figure out what I want to do." He leans back in his chair. "I learned a lot, and I made a lot of really great friends, but I don't really miss it, if that's what you're asking."

She nods, takes a sip of her hot chocolate. (She hasn't quite acquired a taste for coffee, even in her third year of college.) "So what brings you to Sam Houston? And I really hope you're not gonna say me."

"Ah." He puts his hands over his chest as if he's been wounded. "You caught me."

"Oh, please."

He chuckles. "No, actually, I got home in March, figured I'd help my dad out on the farm, and then realized the knee can't really do farm work, either," he explains. "So it was either get me a job at the Alamo Freeze, or go to college."

She nods. "But you could have gone to college anywhere."

"True." He smiles. "Sam Houston is far enough away from home that my parents don't want to come see me all the time, but close enough that I can go see them if I want to."

She laughs. "Fair enough."

"And maybe I wanted to see you again."

Her breath catches in her throat, and she coughs to cover up her surprise. "Well, here I am."

"Yes," he drawls. "Yes, here you are."

She can feel her cheeks burning, so she shoots him a coy smile. "What are you gonna do about it?"

He leans back in his chair, crosses his arms over his chest, and if his goal was to show off his biceps, well, he succeeded. "You'll just have to wait and see."

... ... ...

She tries to keep her distance from him, doesn't actively seek him out or try to contact him, but he always manages to find her somehow. He'll show up at the same bar she and her friends are at, or he'll be a couple of tables away at the library when she's studying, or he'll be coming out of the student union as she's walking in. It's getting weird, really. She can't tell if he's doing it on purpose or if it's just fate's way of trying to get them together.

Today, he's sitting on the steps outside the music building when she gets out of class, and she rolls her eyes when she sees the East Dillon baseball cap backwards on his head.

"Are you following me or something, Cafferty?" she teases, sitting down on the steps beside him and bumping his shoulder with hers.

The corner of his mouth quirks up. "Maybe a little bit," he concedes.

Something's not right, and she can tell in the tone of his voice. "You okay?" she asks.

He pauses for a moment, looks down at his hands. "I got a call from one of my buddies in Montana this morning."

"Oh, yeah?" She wraps her hand around his elbow. "What'd he say?"

He's fiddling with the tags that hang from his neck when he looks back at her. "We lost a guy yesterday."

Her heart drops into her stomach. "Luke."

He swallows, looks away from her again, and she runs her hand down his arm. "He was a vet. Done two tours in Iraq and saw some pretty horrific things. I knew he was pretty dark, but…"

She doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how she can make this better for him. So she asks, "What can I do?"

He laces their fingers together, holds her hand in both of his. "Can we just… can we just go somewhere quiet?"

She nods, pulling him to stand up with her. "Come with me."

... ... ...

She knows he's confused when he leads her into the empty theatre, especially because there are signs everywhere that say _authorized personnel only_ and the lights are all off.

"Are you sure we're allowed to be in here?" he asks as she turns on the stage lights.

She smiles. "I'm a vocal performance major," she reminds him. "We'll just say we're singing a duet."

He laughs. "You do remember what my singing sounds like, right?"

"Yeah, I can't get the sound of a dying duck out of my head."

He roams the stage for a moment, turns back to face her. "What made you decide you want to be a music teacher?"

She looks around the room. "I took an elective last summer where I taught a theatre camp for elementary school kids. Teaching them songs, watching them perform on stage…" She smiles at the memories. "There are so many lessons to be learned from music."

She turns around to face him and finds that he's closer than she thinks. He wastes no time cupping her cheek in his hand, pushing her curls away from her face.

She swallows thickly. "I'm sorry about your friend." It sounds horribly inadequate, but she doesn't really know what else to say, doesn't know what he wants to hear.

He shakes his head. "Life's too short, you know?" He leans his forehead against hers. "I'm sick of wasting time, pretending like everything's fine when all I want to do is tell you that I've thought about you every single day for the last three years."

Her heart skips a beat at the emotion in his eyes, the conviction in his voice. "I promised you I'd come back for you, and here I am." He runs his thumb over her cheek gently. "I still love you, Bex. I never stopped."

He doesn't get to take another breath before her lips are on his. She figures if he's worried about wasting time, she can certainly help him out with that. After all, they've got a lot of lost time to make up for, so they'd better get started.


	6. Chapter 6

_becky tries to move on._

{ I own nothing }

* * *

She knows when Luke's mom calls her house that something must be wrong. Luke's mom doesn't even _like_ her, okay? No matter how hard she's tried for the last two and a half years (one and a half as Luke's girlfriend), Mrs. Cafferty still sees her as the stupid, selfish girl who aborted her grandchild. So when the phone rings on a rainy day in April, and the caller ID says _Cafferty_ , Becky almost doesn't answer it, because she doesn't like this feeling in the pit of her stomach.

As soon as she hears the tears in Mrs. Cafferty's voice, hears the way she says _Becky, sweetheart_ , she knows.

... ... ...

She didn't even want him to join the army. She tried to talk him out of it approximately a hundred and eighty-seven times, but he was too damn stubborn to listen to her.

He should have listened.

Because now he's _gone_.

... ... ...

He jumped in front of enemy fire to save an innocent little boy in Iraq, she's told. He's a hero.

She knows that's probably supposed to make her feel better. It doesn't. Heroes always end up dead.

... ... ...

Everyone at school knows. They all give her this look, like she might shatter into a thousand pieces if anyone speaks to her. She hates that look, so she stops going to school.

... ... ...

They ask her to say a few words at the funeral, but she doesn't want to. The only things she wants to say are things Luke's not around to hear, and it would be wasted on anyone else.

But she goes anyway, and she sits in the back, away from prying eyes, where she can cry in peace.

... ... ...

The guidance counselor tells her that if she doesn't at least pass her classes this semester, she won't be able to go to college in the fall. Honestly, she really doesn't care, because what's the _point?_ She goes to college, gets a degree, and then what? What the hell is the point of doing anything worthwhile if Luke's not here to share it with her?

... ... ...

It takes her eighteen days before she gets up the nerve to go see Luke's parents.

It's _hard_. Tears blur her vision even as she pulls into the gravel driveway, and she has to stop halfway down to compose herself. Somehow she makes it to the house in one piece. She looks out her window and sees his truck, remembers how they used to lay in the bed and watch the stars; sees the field over the hill where he made love to her in firefly light the night before he deployed. It takes a little longer to recover from that.

When she finally makes it to the front door, it's getting dark, and she almost thinks about giving up. But she knows if she doesn't do this now, she might not make it back here again, and she _needs_ to do this.

Mrs. Cafferty answers the door in one of Luke's old plaid shirts (Becky recognizes it because she bought it for him), and pulls Becky into a tight embrace.

 _I'm so sorry,_ Becky sobs into her shoulder. The shirt still smells like him, which makes her cry a little bit harder.

 _He loved you_ , Mrs. Cafferty says. _He loved you so much._

 _Not enough to stay_ , Becky thinks. She won't say that part out loud.

... ... ...

Ironically, it's Mrs. Cafferty who convinces her to go back to school, to actually finish out the year and go to college.

It's what Luke would have wanted. It's hard to think of it that way, but she knows it's true. He would be so angry with her if she threw away her senior year, her college experience because of this. He was so proud of her when she told him she got into Sam Houston State. She's made it this far, and she can't let him down now.

She walks across the stage at graduation, sees her mom sitting with Luke's parents, and an empty seat between them. _Where Luke should be_.

She doesn't cry. It takes every ounce of strength she's got, but she smiles through the pain.

... ... ...

She looks forward to a day years from now when the memory of his smile won't put a lump in her throat, when she can look back on what they had and be thankful for it.

She's not quite there yet, but someday she will be. For now, she'll just push through it, one day at a time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Note:** I heard Carrie Underwood's "Heartbeat" on the radio the other day and I thought it fit these two so perfectly :-)

{ I own nothing }

* * *

 _I love it when we're at a party in a downtown crowd_

 _but I can't hear you call me baby with the music up loud_

... ... ...

She doesn't mind going to these parties with him, really. He always says it's some sort of requirement, being a star football player and all, but she knows he loves hanging out with the guys. She would say she likes hanging out with the girls, too, but doing kegstands and flirting with half the football team has never been her thing.

There's only one football player she wants to flirt with, and he's across the room laughing with his buddies.

She tries to keep herself distracted, she really does, but she can't help it if her eyes keep searching him out. He's magnetic, with his thousand-watt smile and the long line of his throat when he sips his beer. So when he meets her eyes across the room, she feels her lips quirk into a secretive grin, and he returns the favor.

... ... ...

 _red wine, good times, no, I don't mind being with everyone else_

 _then there's nights like tonight when I want you to myself_

... ... ...

She's half-listening to a fellow rally girl fawn over one of the wide receivers when she feels a hand curve around her hip. It's not hard to figure out who it is, especially when he presses his lips to her ear so only she can hear him. "I think it's about time we got out of here, don't you?"

She nods, looking back to meet his eyes, laughing at the mischievous smirk on his lips. She lets him take her hand and lead her to his truck. She's too busy catching the wind between her fingers out the window to pay attention to where they're going, but she hears the familiar sound of grass under the tires, and she can't help but smile.

... ... ...

 _tonight, I wanna drive so far, we'll only find static on the radio, oh_

 _we can't see those city lights, and I love the way you look in a firefly glow_

... ... ...

He parks the truck in a field outside of town, a vacant lot that's been for sale for as long as she can remember, leaves the radio on and kills the headlights. She abandons her boots in the truck and gets out after him. He leans against the grill of the truck, takes her hand as she stands in front of him. "You look beautiful tonight," he tells her offhandedly.

She blushes. "Thanks." She smiles, links her fingers with his, steps a little closer. "You look pretty handsome yourself." Fireflies light up the spark in his eyes, and she leans in to kiss him quickly. "So we didn't stay long tonight. What happened? Got tired of Tinker and his whiskey breath?"

He smiles. "Nah. Just felt like being with you."

The butterflies flutter in her stomach. She fights a smile and rolls her eyes. "C'mon, you love hanging out with the guys like that, don't lie."

He purses his lips, considering. "Yeah, you're right. But I can't do _this_ with any of the guys." He steps away from the truck and tugs her against him, one hand holding hers and the other resting on her waist.

... ... ...

 _sayin' everything without makin' a sound, a cricket choir in the background_

 _underneath the harvest moon, dancin' on your shoes in my bare feet_

... ... ...

She laughs out loud, letting him sway and twirl her to whatever tune is in his head. The radio has long since turned to static, but she doesn't care. She lays her head on his shoulder, presses her forehead against his neck. When her bare feet get cold in the dewy grass, she stands on his shoes and lets him lead.

She doesn't know how long they stay that way, dancing and breathing and _being_ , before he moves both hands around her waist. She pulls away to look at him, feels her breath catch in her throat at the intensity in his eyes.

His lips part like he wants to say something, but no words come out. She hears them anyway.

 _I love you_.

Instead of responding, she lets her eyes do the talking for her.

 _I love you, too_.

A slow smile spreads across his face, and he presses his lips to hers sweetly. He presses his forehead against hers, meets her eyes, and she knows she'll never love anyone the way she loves Luke Cafferty.

... ... ...

 _dancin' to the rhythm of your heartbeat_.


	8. Chapter 8

**Note:** piggybacks on the one where luke and becky kept the baby because the idea of luke being a dad is my favorite thing ever

{ I own nothing }

* * *

His life has changed drastically in the last five months. Instead of staying out too late drinking beer with the guys, he's staying up too late changing diapers and switching off night feedings with Becky. Instead of playing catch with Vince after school, he's playing peek-a-boo and tickle monster with his daughter.

He loves being a dad. It's his favorite thing in the world, actually. He loves the way that little girl looks at him, loves to make her smile and laugh and he _really_ loves the way sometimes it sounds like she says _da da_.

(His mom says it's just babbling, that all babies do it. He doesn't buy it.)

He and Becky are finally hitting their stride as a parenting team. Emma stays at the house with Becky, goes to daycare while they're at school, and Luke comes over after to help out. Sometimes he stays the night, especially if Emma's not sleeping well, or if Becky's got a big test the next day and needs her rest, or just because he wants to be there. Some days Becky needs a break, to study or to take a nap or just to be alone, and he'll take Emma to his parents' house to see Grammy and Papa.

Yeah, things have changed, but he honestly wouldn't have it any other way. Things are better than he ever hoped they could be.

At least, until he starts talking about college.

He doesn't know why Becky's so upset that he's simply exploring his options. Nobody said anything about _leaving_. More than anything, he wants to stay and be with Becky, be a father to their daughter.

He just wants to do better for them, you know? He wants to go to college and get a degree and be able to provide more than just a paltry farmer's salary for his family. Not that his father ever had trouble providing for them, but Luke knows he can do more.

There are options. Like, there's Dillon Tech. And yeah, that wouldn't be ideal, and it definitely wouldn't be where he saw himself going to college, but things have changed for him, and he can't just think about himself anymore. Dillon Tech would allow him to get his degree and still be able to be there for his family, which is the number one priority these days.

He doesn't want to leave. So why the hell is Becky so mad?

... ... ...

"So, Mr. Big-Shot-Football-Player, exactly how many scholarship offers do you have?"

Ah. That explains a lot.

"What are you talking about?"

He can't see her, but he can practically _hear_ the eye roll in her voice when she calls back to him from the kitchen. "Don't play dumb with me, Cafferty. I know you've been thinking about college lately."

If he hadn't known it was there, he might not have been able to detect the subtle bitter tone to her voice, but as things stand, he hears it loud and clear. Emma fusses a little bit in his arms, like she knows something's going on, and he bounces her gently, stands from his seat on the couch to soothe her. "Becky."

"It's okay," she says, like she's trying to convince herself. "It's fine. You know we'd be fine, right? If you decided to go somewhere else? I could make it work. Your mom would help, and maybe my mom would, too, and Mrs. Taylor has been so great about helping me stay in school, I'm sure she could help me figure out my options…"

Her voice gets louder as he carries their daughter into the kitchen with him, so they can have this conversation properly. "Becky."

"And okay, yeah, it really would suck to have you go so far away that you can't see Emma, or me, or your parents. Your parents would be _devastated_ you know? And so would Emma, obviously. She would miss you so much. But we could make it work, Luke, if this is what you really want."

"Becky." She's rambling, he knows, because this has been weighing on her mind, and she's basically trying to talk herself out of a panic attack. "Bex."

"I just want to know," she pleads. "How far away are you going to be next year?"

He sighs, trying not to let his frustration show. "Who says I'm going anywhere?"

She finally looks over at him, blinks in confusion. "Why _wouldn't_ you go somewhere?"

"Because my _life_ is here, Becky," he reminds her, like it's the most obvious thing in the world, because to him, it is. "You and Emma and my parents, just like you said. I can't just up and leave."

He must have said something wrong, because she rolls her eyes and huffs in annoyance. "Sorry we're such an inconvenience to you. Sorry your _daughter_ is such a weight around your neck."

"Fu—" she glares at him and he stops himself just in time. She wouldn't understand anyway, but he's trying not to curse in front of his daughter. "Jesus, Becky, you know that's not what I meant. It would kill me to be away from you guys. And yeah, of course I want to play college ball, _of course_ I do. But it would mean giving up _this_ —" he looks down at his baby girl, who's snoozing quietly in his arms, her warm little body pressed against his chest, his shirt curled into her tiny fist. His heart melts a little bit. He swallows, looks up, meets Becky's eyes. When he speaks again, his voice is softer this time. "It's not a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

She just looks at him for a moment, really looks at him, and he swears to God in heaven sometimes he feels like she sees right through him, like she can stare down into his soul. She opens her mouth, closes it again, sighs. "I don't want to be the reason you wake up in five or ten years and wonder what might have been."

He huffs out a breath, rounds the counter so he can wrap his free arm around her. She presses her face into his neck, their baby girl sleeping between them, and he presses his lips to the curls atop her head. "It's my decision," he reminds her. "I'm choosing this. If I regret it down the road, the only one I'll have to blame is myself." He pulls back, tilts her chin up so he can look into her eyes. "I would never put that on you, or Emma. I don't regret anything, Bex. Not now, not ever. I _won't_."

She cups his cheeks in her hands, doesn't let him look away. "Are you sure? Are you really sure you could be happy staying here with us?"

He nods firmly and presses his forehead against hers. "I could never leave you two. I love you too much."

She stiffens and he wants to groan out loud. Not how he intended to tell her he's in love with her.

Becky pulls away, looks straight into his eyes, searches them for any inclination she heard him wrong. "You mean you love Emma."

She's giving him an out. He decides he doesn't want it. He shakes his head, lets his lips quirk up on one side. "You know I always say what I mean."

It's like time stops between them, and for a moment they just look at each other.

"You know this could change everything," she whispers.

"I know," he whispers back. Then he decides he's done thinking and presses his lips to hers, just once. It's the first time they've kissed since Emma was born, since he kissed her without thinking while their daughter's newborn cries filled the delivery room. That time, he loved her because of what she'd given him.

This time, he just loves her.

"Do you see what I mean?" He says quietly, a grin tugging at his lips. "I can't leave. I can't miss out on being able to do that."

She rolls her eyes, pushes at his chest, but she's smiling. "Stop."

"And miss you rolling your eyes at me? Forget it." He kisses her cheek. "Face it, Bex, you're stuck with me."

Her smile turns soft and her eyes are so beautiful in that moment that he can't look away. "I think I'm okay with that."

Why would he ever go anywhere else when he's got everything he could ever want right here?


End file.
